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Four Legs and One Arm?

Q. What has four legs and one arm? A. a pit-bull coming out of a playground!

10/08/10 · 0 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

A Crabby Joke

Did you hear about the crab that went to a crustation party? He pulled a Mussel and went home.

10/08/10 · 1 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

Mightiest of Animals

A lion woke up one morning with the urge to assert his superiority over his fellow beasts.

He strode over to a monkey, and roared "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?"

"You are, Master," said the monkey, cowering.

Then the lion approached a warthog. "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?" roared the lion.

"You are, my Lord," said the warthog, quivering with fear.

Next the lion met an elephant. "Who is the Mightiest of Animals?" roared the lion.

The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, swung him in the air, slammed him ten times against a tree trunk, threw him into a dense patch of thorns, and strolled away.

"Okay!" shouted the lion. "There's no need to turn nasty just because you don't know the answer!"

10/08/10 · 0 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: Dogs are men in little fur coats.

10/08/10 · 2 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

The Cat Scan

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body.

The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$350." "$350 to tell me my dog is dead?!" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $300 was for the cat scan."

10/08/10 · 1 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

Talking Dog For Sale

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, 'cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what hewants for the dog.

The owner says "Ten dollars."

The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"

The owner replies, "He tells such incredible lies!"

10/08/10 · 1 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

Rabid Dog

My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will.

He said, Will !? What will ? I'm making a list of the people I gonna bite."

10/08/10 · 1 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

Killer Dog ... !

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the world kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

10/08/10 · 1 comentarios · Autor: elena ·

Algún error encontrado en la Templati

Four Legs and One Arm?

A Crabby Joke

Mightiest of Animals

Like Cats and Dogs

The Cat Scan

Talking Dog For Sale

Rabid Dog

Killer Dog ... !

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